Daily Remembrances

Many people have asked how Vivian is handling the loss of Miles.
The two of them truly were and are best friends.
I know for a fact that Miles is with her daily.
Often Vivian speaks about Miles and her playing in her dreams.
I know that he visits her often in her dreams, and all throughout the day for that matter.
I hope she is able to stay in tune to his spirit and his presence all throughout her life!

Vivian has been a trooper through this trial.
Many times we haven't really known what she is experiencing, feeling or what she does and doesn't understand about the situation as she is so young.
There have been and continue to be many challenges with her emotions, separation anxiety and more because although she speaks in full sentences, like a three year old would (remember she is two), she doesn't really know how to fully communicate what she is feeling and thinking about the ordeal.
She is too young for any sort of counseling, at least that's what we have found.

So we love her with all our might.
We are gentle with her.
And fill her world with as much love and joy as possible.

Each day she surprises us with new thoughts, ideas and stories of Miles.
She talks about him all day long. Everyday.
Not just to us, but people we meet and interact with.
She truly remembers her big brother so well.
Sometimes I'm completely shocked how well, 
because she was only 17 months old when he left this mortal world.
It's truly astounding to us and many others that know us.
I attribute it all to a very loving and unique bond that the two of them have.
Vivian often asks to wear Miles' clothes.
So we let her!
She has worn his pajamas many times.
One day she wore his socks all day long.
I forgot about her wearing his socks until a couple days later as I was folding laundry I was overtaken with emotion as I saw his socks in the mix.
It was truly a bittersweet moment seeing his socks in the laundry again.
It had been a couple months since I had folded any of his clothes.
I was overcome with emotions and just stared at his socks.
Oh how I wish they were washed because he had gotten them full of dirt playing outside.
I've almost thought of putting his clothes in the laundry once in awhile just to remember him more. How big he was, his favorite t-shirts and to even have the feeling of having him around more.
But to be honest, the shock of emotions may be too much some days.
So for now his clothes are still hanging in the closet and neatly folded in his drawer, 
just as they should be and always have been.
Vivian LOVES to wear Miles' blue shoes.
She wears all his shoes really.
She is often wearing a tennis shoe on one foot and a cowboy boot on the other (both his) 
walking around the house so proud.
I love seeing her do this.
It truly brings a smile to both our faces and we giggle about it each time.
On Father's Day this year Vivian insisted on wearing one of Miles' ties to church.
How did she even think this up?
(Seriously she comes up with things like this all the time.)
I didn't even know she had ever noticed his ties in the closet.
Mark and I just looked at one another and said "Why not?"
So we headed into their room, found his ties and she chose a 
special one to wear to church that day.
She was so proud and excited about it.
Her hair accessory didn't last long, but the tie never once came off.
I suppose it was a special tribute to Miles and Mark for Father's Day.
In a sweet way Mark was able to have a piece of Miles with him that day at church. 
Vivian may be starting a new fashion trend of her own for church,
 and we are just fine with it.
Vivian loves riding Miles' scooter and wearing his helmet.
She knows they are his and gets so excited to use her big brother's things.
I have often told her that it is so nice that Miles loves her so much that he shares with her.
She always laughs and smiles so big at that.
He truly did always share so well with her, and continues to in ways we may never know.
(Oh what I would give to have Miles wearing these shoes!)

I could go on and on about all the things Vivian talks about daily about Miles.
She loves looking at pictures of him.
She watches videos of him almost daily.
She is always telling me things that Miles likes, which she is generally spot on.
We speak of him all day everyday.
Sure sometimes it's hard.
Especially when she throws an unexpected curve ball at us.
But we roll with the punches and remember him and love him with her,
in whatever way she choses to express.
I never want her to forget her best friend and big brother....EVER!


  1. So tender and sweet. Thanks for sharing.

  2. This might be your most beautiful post ever! I love it so much. And I love all 4 of you!

  3. I love this post! Thank you Andrae and Vivian. What a beautiful tender mercy that Vivian has such a significant bond with her brother. This was just what I needed to read today. Thank you!

  4. I love this post! Thank you Andrae and Vivian. What a beautiful tender mercy that Vivian still has such a significant bond with her brother. It just goes to show how thin the veil can be.
    This was just what I needed to read today. Thank you!