12.16.2013

Reverence for Greiving

Last week I experienced something I have never had to face yet.
The 'D' word.
There are two 'D' words that make me instantly sick to my stomach.
One I blogged about months ago.....Drowning Awareness.
That was one of the hardest post I have ever written. Just typing that word hurts me so much.

The other was spoken to my daughter last week in the sweetest of voices.
Vivian was talking to her cousin who is just a year older than Miles.
As she was speaking his name, my sweet nephew was so caught off guard by Vivian speaking of Miles as though he was right there, that you could tell his thought process was halted in their tracks.
He then said to Vivian "Miles....'D' word.
(I just can't say it, or even type it.)

Vivian looked at him with such confusion. We have never spoken that word to her when referring to Miles. We don't even use the word Heaven with her. We simply chose to say that Miles lives with Jesus now. That way it gives her comfort in knowing that her brother is with someone she recognizes and knows and that she understands that he is not alone and he is loved.

My little nephew was also just confused as to why Vivian was still talking about Miles and repeated himself louder as though she didn't hear him the first time. She just looked at me and said 
"My Miles loves me."
I reaffirmed to her that yes Miles loves her very much. The conversation was then over.

I left that night with my nephew's sweet voice on auto replay in my head of what he said to Vivi. This was truly the first time I have heard someone say that about my son. It hurt so deeply. I couldn't get that innocent voice saying that harsh word out of my head for days. It truly was torture.

I know my nephew didn't mean anything by his words. He simply spoke the truth. Yes the truth hurts, but I am here to tell you that sometimes the truth can be more respectful and more gentle if we wisely chose our words. And yes this can be taught to children as well. Yet I know children speak the honest truth, thus I wasn't mad at him at all. Just shocked and taken back.

I share with you a very private picture. One many haven't ever seen.
I show you because this is the exact moment my son took his last breath as I held him in my arms.
This is a moment burned and etched in the very fibers of my heart and soul.
I know exactly what happened to my son. Yes you can use the 'D' word to describe what happened to him, yet it's not even half of it.
My son truly passed from this world to another. I felt it. Mark felt it.
It was one of the most spiritual moments of my life.

Just as this amazing plaque says Miles was called to serve a very special mission.
One where he is teaching God's children and others beyond the veil.

This plaque hangs in my living room for all to see as they enter my home.
A dear sweet angel family gifted this to us on Miles' birthday.
Oh how we cherish it!

The other day my cousin came over and immediately picked it up and held it in her arms and tears ran down her face. She then told me how she tells her boys that Miles is serving a mission. 
I immediately hugged her and thanked her for telling her boys that.
It means the world to me that she speaks of Miles passing with such reverence and love.

When referring to Miles' state we prefer to say that he passed.
Not that he left us....because he only did physically.
But that he passed because that's exactly what he did.
He passed from one world to another to do God's special work until we are reunited again.

I share this with you only to help some of you understand that as a grieving parent we are aware of so much more than ever was before. Some may not agree with me on the wording they prefer, we all grieve differently.
But I would ask that when speaking to someone or teaching your children about the passing of a loved one you really consider the words you use and speak.
Your words can bring such pain or love to someone like me.

5 comments:

  1. Thank you for this post. I at times waver in my spiritual quest, but the other night I told my husband two things I was certain of; We have a Father in Heaven and Savior and that life continues after this mortal life. My Grandpa passed away this summer and we often have to drive by the cemetery. I love that when we pass my boys (2 and 4) ask to go see Grandpa or plain as day say, "Grandpa is in heaven, right?" I have not lost many that are close to me except Grandparents and I too feel them in times of need and know that they are close. Thank you for helping others to understand how to be more respectful to those whom may be grieving and to understand that this is not the end. I pray for you and your family that you may have peace and comfort in your times of need.

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  2. What a tender picture. Thank you for sharing that, I'm sure it wasn't easy! And that plaque is amazingly wonderful! I love it so much. I will continue to try to be sensitive and aware of the words I use. Thank you. XOXO

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  3. That was beautiful, it made me cry. He is still real and part of your family. What a great day it will be when you get to meet again! My son is on a mission and I miss him so much. I live for his emails as I am sure you live for the moments you feel him close. I can;t imagine your pain.

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  4. What a tender photo. So very well written. Thank you for sharing. Love, cindy

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