Dear Miles- Seven

Dear Miles,
I can't believe that you are seven on Sunday. Some people may think it's strange that I still count the age you would be, but you are my son. My first born child. The one who first made me a mother and your dad a father seven years ago. So of course I count the years, I always will! You made such a huge impact on my life, my soul and my very being seven years ago. In fact longer than that actually. Your dad and I eagerliy awaited welcoming you into our home and lives well before we knew you were coming for sure. You and I had a special connection that I hold sacred years before you entered this life.

Your first couple weeks of life were scary and touch and go for a bit. Seeing you lay there in the NICU, not knowing what was going on with your sweet and tiny little body was so scary for us. But your little spirit was strong and we knew you were a fighter, thus your name Miles David (meaning Solider Beloved). The day we finally brought you home was so surreal. You and I struggled with a few things for a long time. But we worked together and eventually overcame many things together. I would do anything for you then, just as I would now!!!

Oh buddy, I truly miss you more than words can even begin to express. I find my mind and heart wandering a lot this time of year about what life would be like with you here. Would you and Vivian be best buddies? Would you two argue about what show to watch on TV, what game to play or even what to have for lunch? I have a feeling that you and Clara would be partners in crime doing crazy things on your bikes, building amazing forts and keeping me on my toes each second of the day. Would you like school? Or would you cling to me every day that I dropped you off? I'm sure you would still count the minutes until you dad got home and then follow him around the house doing projects all night with your own set of little tools. Dad really misses his little helper man around here!

I wonder what you would want for your birthday. Sadly I don't even know what little boys like anymore. I'm so far removed from that world now, it actually hurts. I should know what boys like. What the latest and coolest toys are, but I still can't hardly go down the boy toy aisle. It still hurts that you aren't around to drag me down each one of the aisles every time we go to the store. In fact I miss buying you a matchbox car instead of a treat for your good behavior in the store. Man you have quite the collection of cars buddy. Vivian and Clara love playing with them! Oh how I love to see the girls play with your cars and hear the sound of the metal clinging together and the wheel roll down the ramps. Don't worry, all your special cars are safely put away in your special box. We cherish each and every worn and scratched car!!!

Speaking of the girls, they both still speak of you daily. They love you and miss you so much! Clara has recently been carrying your picture from their dresser around and saying how much she misses you while she hugs your picture. It's so sweet. And Vivian was very distraught the other day when she realized we needed another chair at the table for you to sit at. She thinks the baby is going to use the extra one we have. I told her we would buy another chair, or you could use the green one, since it is your favorite color. Vivian truly thinks you are coming back soon. She knows that you will come when Jesus comes back to Earth. She is looking forward to this day just as your dad and I are. Oh how I long for that day!!!!

I can't believe it has been three years now since you were here to celebrate your birthday! We celebrate each year, but it's just not the same without you here. It's hard around the house without the excitement of all the birthday planning that you loved so much. In fact to be honest, each year has been so bittersweet, emotional and just too much to handle at times. So this year we are doing things a little different. We are heading to Utah for other reasons, so we are making a weekend out of it for you buddy. We are taking the girls to do some of your favorite things, eat at your favorite places, and hike your favorite hikes (although a couple of your real favorites will have to wait until after I'm not so pregnant). And of course it's not your birthday without a visit to the BYU Bookstore for some BYU gear, that's a must! Your dad and I are looking forward to sharing with the girls some of your favorite things!

We also started the week, which I think we will continue into the next month, of service for others in your honor. It's a way for us to help others, as you always did. To remember that we all have trials and need a little help carrying our heavy loads in this challenging life. Most of all it's a way to bring a smile to another who truly need it. Small but simple acts of kindness, just as you always demonstrated throughout your short but sweet life. I pray we feel you close during these moments of service and those we serve feel your love too!

Miles we miss you, cherish you and long to see and hold you again some day soon we pray! Happy Seventh Birthday my son!!! Stay close to me, I need you to! Help me and your family as you are helping others. We fully support you in all your glorious work. I hope you feel the love and prayers we send you each and every day. Thank you for choosing us as your family and for making our world so much better for coming into our lives. We LOVE you buddy!!!
All my love my son.
Mommy