I will never forget the night before Miles' accident.
For some strange reason I couldn't sleep.
Even though sleeping in that bed felt like sleeping on a cloud.
I kept waking up and checking on Miles.
Looking at him and Vivian.
Mark and I had been experiencing some very difficult trials in our lives.
I was struggling so much with those trials.
I had hit a low I had never experienced before.
I had been praying to feel happiness for what I had.
That night I kept thinking about how lucky I was to have such beautiful and wonderful children.
Some people's challenge in life in not being able to bear children.
I am not one of those people and for that I was feeling such joy.
I didn't sleep much that night at all.
I'm not really sure why.
But I remember finding happiness in those quiet moments, watching my children sleep.
Covering them again and again as they kicked their blankets off during the night.
I had a distinct feeling come over me that night thinking that our lives would be changing.
That our family would be changing.
I felt peace and happiness.
Just what I was praying for.
My future was in the Lord's hands and I knew it.
If only I had known that night what the next day would bring.
I would have gathered each child up and put them in that bed of a cloud and sailed the night away.
I would have snuggled them so closely there would have been no need for the warmth of blankets.
The next day our family did change in ways I never would have expected.
Two weeks to the day that Miles passed the Lord revealed yet another tender mercy he had planned for our family.
Another change that I was not expecting.
It was then that we found out that at the beginning of July of 2013 we will be welcoming baby number three into our family.
Mark and I cried, laughed and were awe struck all at the same moment.
While in the hospital I had expressed to Mark my concern about perhaps being pregnant and how my body would react to this due to the enormous stress it was under.
Would my body reject a pregnancy in this state?
We had been hoping to have another child soon, but all that was now in the furthermost back part of my mind at that moment in time.
Mark and I said a prayer and decided that if this was meant to be, the Lord would bless us and we couldn't worry about that then.
Miles needed us then and we needed to give him everything we could at that moment in time.
Days after I would sometimes wonder again if I might be pregnant and if my body could take on one more thing.
I didn't realize how much stress and grief can affect your body.
But grief had taken a hold of my body and I was not in control of it at that point.
I'm happy to say that we are now 17 weeks along into this pregnancy.
I still am in awe that my body can, and is, dealing with all of these emotions and changes all at the same time.
The human body is truly amazing.
What a gift we have been given.
We are very excited to welcome another sweet spirit into our home this summer.
This pregnancy is a very challenging one for me both emotionally and physically.
Each week and even day marked off the count down is another one that Miles has been away from us.
It just seems that there are too many things going on all at the same time to take in and deal with.
But I'm grateful that I have a strong body up for the challenge.
I'm also grateful that Miles is with this sweet baby now.
That they are getting to know one another again.
How lucky are my children to have their own special guardian angel looking out for them?
One we know by name and face!
But my dear cousin said it best.
This sweet spirit is a strong and special one to come to our family at such a fragile time in our lives.
I look forward to meeting you baby.