1.28.2013

Another Tender Mercy

I will never forget the night before Miles' accident.
For some strange reason I couldn't sleep.
Even though sleeping in that bed felt like sleeping on a cloud.
I kept waking up and checking on Miles.
Looking at him and Vivian.
Mark and I had been experiencing some very difficult trials in our lives.
I was struggling so much with those trials.
I had hit a low I had never experienced before.
I had been praying to feel happiness for what I had.
That night I kept thinking about how lucky I was to have such beautiful and wonderful children.
Some people's challenge in life in not being able to bear children.
I am not one of those people and for that I was feeling such joy.

I didn't sleep much that night at all.
I'm not really sure why.
But I remember finding happiness in those quiet moments, watching my children sleep.
Covering them again and again as they kicked their blankets off during the night.
I had a distinct feeling come over me that night thinking that our lives would be changing.
That our family would be changing.
I felt peace and happiness.
Just what I was praying for.
My future was in the Lord's hands and I knew it.

If only I had known that night what the next day would bring.
I would have gathered each child up and put them in that bed of a cloud and sailed the night away.
I would have snuggled them so closely there would have been no need for the warmth of blankets.

The next day our family did change in ways I never would have expected.

Two weeks to the day that Miles passed the Lord revealed yet another tender mercy he had planned for our family.
Another change that I was not expecting.
It was then that we found out that at the beginning of July of 2013 we will be welcoming baby number three into our family.

Mark and I cried, laughed and were awe struck all at the same moment.

While in the hospital I had expressed to Mark my concern about perhaps being pregnant and how my body would react to this due to the enormous stress it was under.
Would my body reject a pregnancy in this state?
We had been hoping to have another child soon, but all that was now in the furthermost back part of my mind at that moment in time.
Mark and I said a prayer and decided that if this was meant to be, the Lord would bless us and we couldn't worry about that then.
Miles needed us then and we needed to give him everything we could at that moment in time.

Days after I would sometimes wonder again if I might be pregnant and if my body could take on one more thing.
I didn't realize how much stress and grief can affect your body.
But grief had taken a hold of my body and I was not in control of it at that point.

I'm happy to say that we are now 17 weeks along into this pregnancy.
I still am in awe that my body can, and is, dealing with all of these emotions and changes all at the same time.
The human body is truly amazing.
What a gift we have been given.

We are very excited to welcome another sweet spirit into our home this summer.
This pregnancy is a very challenging one for me both emotionally and physically.
Each week and even day marked off the count down is another one that Miles has been away from us.
It just seems that there are too many things going on all at the same time to take in and deal with.
But I'm grateful that I have a strong body up for the challenge.

I'm also grateful that Miles is with this sweet baby now.
That they are getting to know one another again.
How lucky are my children to have their own special guardian angel looking out for them?
One we know by name and face!

But my dear cousin said it best.
This sweet spirit is a strong and special one to come to our family at such a fragile time in our lives.
I look forward to meeting you baby.
Until July.

16 comments:

  1. Such wonderful news in the midst of such trials. There is no one I know who deserves happiness as much as you and Mark. I am so happy for you. Many prayers for continued health and comfort for you!

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  2. So excited for you guys!!!! Isn't it amazing how tender mercies come when you least expect them? Praying for a healthy pregnancy and delivery!!!

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  3. This is great news. Wishing you and your family the very best.

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  4. Congratulations! I'm so glad you something happy to think about and plan for. And what a great guardian angel for your family to have!

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  5. Andrae, I know my story doesn't even compare, but I wanted to share a little bit. After my late term miscarriage, I was very angry and didn't deal very well and it seemed that nothing really went right after that. We found out we were having Cole and I was excited but also terrified of bad things happening. In February, when he was born, everything changed. The Lord sent us the happiest, sweetest, calmest little baby and he just made everything good. Later that summer we found out we were moving to PA. I was not happy and the 1st year was very trying for me and my family. Wade and I have said this many times in the past year..."Cole has been our saving grace." His funny little personality literally has made our world brighter. Truly what a blessing these little ones are that come in times of trial. Congratulations and thank you for your wonderful attitude...it has really helped me have better perspective.

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  7. Congrats Andrae!! How wonderful for your family.

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  8. Congratulations to you and your sweet family! May 2013 bring you much happiness and help your family bond in a way like never before.

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  9. I'm so glad for you and your family. Recently, a member of the high council spoke in our ward. He mentioned that he and his family had been going through some difficult things. He referred to our trials as a pendulum. It will, eventually, swing the other way. Wonderful, tender mercies. Love you!

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  10. i'm bawling. I'm so grateful that you had that special night where you were able to truly be grateful and love your children while they were peacefully sleeping in their beds. I'm a little jealous that i was able to sleep the night before we lost Carson. I wish I could have watched him and held him all night long.
    I'm so deeply thankful to have found you. I'm grateful that we can relate to each other in our losses and in our future arrivals. I understand what you mean about how each week closer to the due date is another week farther away from our precious sons. It just tears my heart out to feel so many emotions. It also makes me sad that you feel them too but I love you for that.
    Hang in there Sweet Andrae and continue to trust in the Lord, it's all we can do. . .

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  11. i'm bawling. I'm so grateful that you had that special night where you were able to truly be grateful and love your children while they were peacefully sleeping in their beds. I'm a little jealous that i was able to sleep the night before we lost Carson. I wish I could have watched him and held him all night long.
    I'm so deeply thankful to have found you. I'm grateful that we can relate to each other in our losses and in our future arrivals. I understand what you mean about how each week closer to the due date is another week farther away from our precious sons. It just tears my heart out to feel so many emotions. It also makes me sad that you feel them too but I love you for that.
    Hang in there Sweet Andrae and continue to trust in the Lord, it's all we can do. . .

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  12. YAY!!! I'm so happy for you and your sweet family. What a lucky spirit to be able to have you as a mom! Thinking of you lots, Andrae.

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  13. Congratulations! I have loved keeping in touch with you through your blog. I am amazed at your strength and testimony, what a wonderful example you are to so many! I have thought of you often over the years and have always been grateful for the friendship we shared. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers!

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  14. Congrates!! I am so happy for your family. You guys are amazing. Your such an insperation. I think of you often and hope you know that I am here for you if you ever need anything. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I want to become the person you are.

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  15. Do you know what you are having? We really need to get together. I am dying to see you and hang out!

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