6.10.2013

Lagoon 2013

Saturday we went to Lagoon.
We were so excited to take Vivian because we knew she would LOVE it.

The whole drive there we were talking it up to her.
But Mark and I kept remembering and talking about how just a year ago we took both kids.
(I never did get around to posting about it, due too so many adventures last summer.)
Mark and I were both glad to be going as a family, even if it wasn't our complete family.

Just as we were in line at the gates, my public mask seemed to slip off.
I was overcome with so many emotions and I couldn't hold back the tears any longer.
I started crying so hard that I couldn't even hand the ticket lady my ticket.
I couldn't believe it. I don't normally allow myself to do that.
Usually when we are out in public I am able to burry my emotions pretty deep.
I have to do this so they don't take over.
It's a sort of self medicating numbness if you will to protect myself and others from all the emotions.
Thus why it's called wearing a mask.
It shields others and even ourselves from all the emotions we are truly experiencing within.
But mine seemed to have slipped off without me realizing it.

As we walked into the park, I was excited to be there with Vivian.
To experience all the new thrills and joy she would experience on each ride.
But my heart also ached knowing how much Miles would have loved it too.
Knowing that just a year ago our family was all together experiencing Lagoon together.
I couldn't help but think how Miles would have been running from each ride, asking to do it again.
I was already missing hearing his joyful laugh as he would get on and off each ride.
It also broke my heart knowing that Vivian wouldn't be riding any of the rides with her buddy, Miles.
(Miles and Vivian just a year ago on their favorite ride together.)

After we got through the gates we paused for a moment.
I had to gather myself together.
So I forced my mask back on and we ventured out.

Of course the first ride we came to, was the one that both Miles and Vivian adored last year.
Again I was overcome with emotion. My mask was slipping off again.
As Mark and Vivian waited in line, as I chocked back more tears.
Then I pulled myself together, for the second time, as Mark strapped her in.
I was determined to make it a wonderful day for our family.
Here are some favorite highlights.

the boats 
of course the whales (we rode this ride a ton) 
the train 
she loved seeing the animals on the train ride of course 
the cars
It was a wonderful day.
A hard day at times, but wonderful none the less.
I'm so grateful for the memories we have of Miles and Vivian last year at Lagoon.
I'm equally grateful for the new memories we made with Vivian there on Saturday.

The poor girl only lasted 2 1/2 hours, which was pretty good I thought, until she was wiped out.
She didn't even make it out of the amusement park awake.
She had a blast!
Should we make it back next year she'll have a little sister to ride with.
What great memories those will be too.

5 comments:

  1. Hi Andrae, not sure how I came across your blog, but I read so many of your posts tonight, tears streaming down my face because my heart just aches for you and your sweet family. Thank you for sharing Miles. Reading your blog tonight has helped me appreciate my little boys so much more and I am committing myself to spend more quality time with them and let go of non-essentials that get in the way of that quality time. So thank you, Andrae and Miles. Prayers for continued comfort your way <3

    ReplyDelete
  2. Beautiful vivid pictures! You picked a great day! My prayers continue.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Vivian and that hair!!! Reminds me so much of Macy. Love her. Sorry to hear about a hard, hard day. Love you always!

    ReplyDelete
  4. My heart just ached for the loss you felt that day at Lagoon but I am so glad you were still able to have a fun day with Vivian. I am so excited that she is going to be a big sister soon. I am so strengthened spiritually by your blog.We think about your family all the time and continue to pray for you all.

    ReplyDelete
  5. My heart just ached as I read this but I am so glad you were able to take Vivian to Lagoon that day and for the fun time she had. I cannot imagine losing a child and I worry about how I would even move forward if I did. But as I read your blog posts I am so strenthened spiritually and especially after reading your recent post about Faith vs Fear. I am excited that Vivian gets to be a big sister soon..she is such a beautiful little girl. We think about your family a lot and pray for you.

    ReplyDelete