I'm not setting New Year Resolutions this year....I never really have believed in them much. Instead I set goals as needed throughout the year. Recently we have been doing a lot of thinking and praying about 2014. We determined that 2014 is going to be "A Year of Healing" at our house. This is our theme for the year. We are doing things around the house to help and encourage our family's healing. We are changing our mindset, our focus and our attitudes and really working on healing together. It's going to be a lot of work, but we are determined to make this goal a reality. We NEED to heal. Of course this doesn't mean that we will ever forget Miles and all that we have learned from his accident, his passing and most of all his life. Those things are literally etched into our hearts and very fibers of our souls forever!!
We are changed forever. There are many times I have and continue to mourn for my old self and our old family. I am coming to terms that my old self is gone. I am a new person....a much better person in fact. But that doesn't mean that parts of my old self aren't still a part of me. As I am setting out to heal I am finding that within the dimensions of my soul I am still who I use to be in many ways, however, I would say that I see things, feels things and understand things in a whole new light. With this new light I see things more brightly, with more love and more passion than before. I see what really matters and what doesn't. It's just a matter of focusing on those things that matter and putting aside all the others.
Healing is not always an easy thing. I can see that this is going to be a hard journey at times. It's going to take a lot of soul searching, self forgivness and allowing myself to feel again and feel love again. I have just started to feel again. For over a year now I have wanted to feel again....feel anything really. But I'm seeing that as I'm starting to feel it really hurts. To tell you the truth I'm sort of afraid to feel again because it is so painful. For 15 months my body has just been numb to protect myself. It's funny how my body and mind have just naturally done this as a self preservation mechanism. But as time moves on my body is letting down it's guard some, and although it's nice it's also very painful.
But as painful as it may be to face life again, to feel again and to do hard things I am determined more than ever to face these challenges and help myself and my family. I'm determined to have us all heal.
I love this quote! It goes right along with my thoughts, feeling and determination on how to face this year of healing. So here is to a year of courage, humor and grace 2014!