Last week was a really rough week mentally, emotionally and even some physically for me. For some reason I was really down on myself. I couldn't sort through my thoughts and feelings. I kinda didn't even want to try to be honest. Then to help matters the girls were just getting on each other's nerves most of the week. They would play so well for a bit and then a switch went off and Clara was tattling on Vivian (yes that's quite the sight) and Vivian wasn't speaking kindly to me or Clara. We were all just kind of off. Something was in the air for sure.
As days of this went on I didn't know what I had done wrong. Why the girls were acting like that with one another. They had never behaved in this manner before. Miles and Vivian never acted like that either. I started getting really down on myself about being such a bad parent. I'm pretty hard on myself about that subject, especially since Miles' accident. But then I realized two things. I'm dealing with two girls here, plus I'm a girl. Girls behave differently, we just do. So emotions were probably a little more on the surface than they normally are or even should be frankly. I realized that sisters play together a little different than a brother and sister play together. Second, Clara is now older than Vivian was when Vivian and Miles played so well together. I realized that I have never really had children at this age together. That hit me like a freight train. Then it hit me that pretty soon Vivian will be older than Miles. So as a mother and parent I am treading out into unknown territory here. That's crazy to me, because I have had three children. Yet, I'm starting to experience things I never have before in parenthood. So at our house we are learning and exploring together this unknown territory, while trying to exercise patience, love and kindness. It's proving to be hard at moments and natural in others. Parenthood sure is a journey isn't it. Wish us luck.