Lately I've been having some very deep, serious and interesting conversations with Vivian. As I try to answer each question she asks I always try and answer them in the most honest yet tender way possible for her three year old mind and heart to understand, I see that her soul and thinking is way above that of a three year old. She keeps me on my toes with all these questions and thoughts.
(I love this picture captured of Vivian holding Miles' monkey!)
Vivian has been very concerned about her brother Miles lately. She typically always is aware of him, thinks of him and talks of him. But there are times that he is closer to her mind and heart than others. These times are obvious due to her actions and comments.
Within the last week as we have been sick at our house she has been asking about many hard things. How did Miles die? Why did Miles die? Why did he die before us? I truly do try to answer these questions honestly yet tenderly. The girl is only three. But that last question I cannot answer. I wonder the same thing all the time. It's something I have plead with and questioned the Lord many times. Thus I told her I didn't know why and that she would have to ask Heavenly Father. To what she replied after thinking just a minute, "I think he just needed Miles more than we did... maybe." Oh the truth and pure honesty of a child. If only my heart and mind could come to full terms of this statement. I truly believe it with all my heart, yet my heart and mind cannot always come together on the matter.
She's also very concerned about our hearts beating. She asked me if they keep beating when we die. I told her no. So now she's concerned that if we nap if our heart will nap and we will die. She says she doesn't ever want to die. To which I tell her that I hope she doesn't have to worry about that for a very long time. Yet I remember telling her brother the exact thing at a moment in time when he was suddenly very sick. I had no idea that six months later his fear, and mine, would be a reality. So I hate even discussing the matter with my children now. There just are never any guarantees in this life.
I am so grateful Vivian loves, thinks of and cares for her brother Miles! I pray all my children will include him as best they can in their lives. Forever! I'm honored that I get to stay home with these sweet girls so that as these hard questions come up I can be the one to answer them. Not someone else. It's a sacrifice I am willing to make any day.
But I've thought a lot of about angel siblings lately. Just as God makes angel children special and unique I think the same goes for the siblings of angel children. They go through more than any other child should have to. They lose their best friends, their playmates, their partners in crime and without even knowing why. Most often without any notice too. Then they have to live with crazy grieving parents who are crying all the time and who are so lost at times that they maybe shouldn't be trusted with the care of children. Yet these children are so strong, so tender and so aware of others it's amazing to me. I truly believe that angel siblings truly are special ones set aside by Father himself to help more than just their family, but so many more. I'm honored to be called mother by these children.....all three!!!