10.01.2015

Angel Siblings - Always Remembering

After Miles passed away I wondered if Vivian would remember him and know she had a brother. She was only 17 months old. But I didn't just want Vivian to know she she had a big brother, I wanted all our children to know him and include him in their lives. It's heartbreaking to say, but Vivian's actual memories of Miles with her physically have slowly faded. But her and Clara continue to talk about Miles and include him daily in our family. They are sure to tell everyone they have a big brother named Miles. I truly LOVE it!

As much as I love them telling everyone about Miles it can get a little awkward at times. While celebrating Miles' birthday in Utah we were at a restaurant for lunch and the girls were playing in the play room. Mark, my aunt and I were watching the girls from the glass windows seated outside the room. We noticed that Vivian and Clara were playing with some girls their ages. Suddenly we saw that Vivian was getting rather excited about what she was talking to the little girl her age. Vivian's hands were getting more and more expressive with her talking. We laughed about Vivian's passion at times and how physically expressive she can be. Minutes later we noticed that Vivian now had that sweet little girl backed up in a corner, and Vivian's hands were on her hips and her head was getting closer and closer to that innocent girls face. We had never seen this behavior from Vivian. Mark promptly got up and went to see what was going on. I was sort of laughing at the matter with my aunt, but worried too. What could be going on up there? They were just having fun, what changed and why was Vivian behaving this way?

When Mark came back he said that as soon as he went into the play room, the poor little girl was backed up as far as possible in the corner and was telling Vivian that she was scaring her. But Vivian just kept saying "Yeah, and my brother is Miles and he died" over and over. So Mark broke up the commotion and had our girls come out. Vivian immediately told me that she was just telling her new friend about Miles. I sort of laughed, but very nervously. I was so glad she was remembering him, and speaking of him. But maybe not in that manner. The poor little girl didn't know what she was in for when she met our passionate Vivian. I didn't even realize how passionate Vivian was about telling others about Miles until that moment.

I found myself  very uncomfortable with the situation, and sad that our lives have come to a moment like this. A moment that I wasn't sure if I should address the matter with the girls mother or what I should tell Vivian, because she really didn't do anything bad. She just scared the poor girl and talking about someone dying is probably not a common thing to that girl. (I wish it weren't something my girls knew much about either. I swear a couple times a week, when my girls are playing house either their sister or brother has died. I have never gotten use to that kind of talk in my house. But I suppose it's part of their grieving.)

As uncomfortable and perplexed as I was by the whole situation in the play room I have to say that part of my heart was full of love and joy at the fact that Vivian was remember and including Miles in her daily life. That she wanted her friends and those she meets to know her brother and that he is part of her life still today. It is what I worried she would lose and forget, but she is showing us passionately that she is not forgetting him anytime soon. Angel siblings truly are special children!

1 comment:

  1. I'm not sure this is right or not, but I LOVE this story! It shows you have done a wonderful job keeping Miles spirit alive in your home and she obviously loves him with a fierce passion! Of course I hate that this is the reality, but I love how much she loves him! Good job you two! Xoxo

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