Thus our clocks spring forward an hour.
This hit me like a ton of bricks.
How is it daylight savings time?
Didn't we just turn back our clocks?
This can't be happening.
I always love daylight savings time.
I love waking up with the sun.
I love early morning runs watching the sun peak over the mountains to a slumbering valley.
I love that it means spring in just around the corner, which in turn means summer is not far off.
I love the longer days.
I love being outside soaking up all the vitamin D from the sun.
The warmth on my skin as I soak it all in.
I love all the colors that burst to life all around this earth.
Daylight savings invigorates my soul.
But this year I find myself resenting that it's daylight savings time.
My emotions are all over the place lately.
In fact Mark and I have been talking lately that we both feel the emotional roller coaster lately.
It seems it is going rather fast and taking turns very sharply as of late.
I'm wondering if in some way it's because we realize spring is soon upon us.
Which then in turn only validates that Miles has been gone from our lives for what seems like forever.
That we won't have the spring to enjoy with him.
No splashing in puddles with him, no going for bike rides, no playing at the park, no hiking.
Nothing with him.
When Miles passed away all the leaves were golden and falling to the ground.
We spent the fall in the mountains of this valley taking it all in.
It felt like when we left the hospital after he passed all the leaves had dropped.
I'm not really sure if they did or not, I don't specially remember.
But in my world they had.
I found myself immediately thrown into the cold, dark and stale season of winter.
Not just physically but mentally and emotionally too.
I'm not sure that I'm comfortable celebrating spring and new life yet.
It seemed fitting that as Miles passed the world, along with us, was automatically in a dead state.
My life still feels so cold, sometimes dark.
I feel buried under heavy drifts of emotions that I still can't control or understand most of the time.
The colorful leaves are gone and I feel bare and brittle.
How can it be spring already?