1.22.2014

Falling in Love...Again

I've been busy lately with these two adorable girls.
We have been savoring slow mornings, cuddle time, dance parties and so much more.
In the past few weeks I can honestly say that I have been falling in love with my children again.
What? Didn't I always love them?
How could you not love this sweet face?
Or this one?
Impossible right!?!
I have always loved my children, all three of them!!!
But to be honest since Miles passed away I haven't really loved much of anything.
It's as though my heart has been stone cold, locked up and buried deep with in my soul so that I don't have to deal with all the pain the last 15 months have brought.
Loving something like I did before Miles passed away wasn't something my broken heart could do anymore.
I've shut myself off from loving as much as I used to maybe so that in the future I won't hurt as deeply as I have since Miles left me. 
I truly loved that boy with all my heart and soul!

Admitting this is not easy.
I have carried around so much guilt about the matter over the past 15 months.
Because as I said earlier, I have always loved them.
I guess it's just that I haven't allowed myself to truly feel the love I have for them.
Feel the love deep within my heart and burn within.

Since we have been working on healing our family I feel myself starting to sort of let go of some of the pain I have held so deeply within for so long. 
It's not all coming out yet. I'm going to have to slowly deal with each emotion that each day brings.
But as I allow these emotions to come to the surface I am truly starting to feel love in my life again.

I looked over at these sweet faces the other day and truly smiled deep within my soul.
It was then that I knew that I was falling in love with them, just as I loved Miles.
It feels so good! Each day that I fall more and more in love with these adorable girls I feel more and more freedom from some guilt, from some pain and I truly feel hope again. 
Hope and light for the future and even the present.

God knew that I needed these girls in my life and at this exact time.
He knew I would find love again.
That I would find happiness in them and in life with them.
I truly do love these girls with all my heart and soul....just as I love their brother.
Falling in love is so magical and healing!

4 comments:

  1. One of your greatest posts to date, Andrae! Thank you for the reminder that each day we should be doing just that... savoring the moments in the little blessings God sends our way.

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  2. Beautiful and wonderful post, Andrae! Now, I sure think my kids are just the most beautiful ever...Yours come in right behind them! They are stunningly beautiful! I wish I could have you all over to my house every day for lunch! XOXO

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  3. So beautiful. Bless you for the hard, rewarding work it is to parent and more, to love so much it hurts.

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  4. I agree with so many of the things from this post. I am trying to let myself connect with this baby and pregnancy, but it's been hard. Falling in love is fantastic! You are such a good mom and those girls are lucky to have you!

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