18 Months

I can't believe that it's been 18 whole months since I last held this sweet boy in my arms.

18 Months since I last heard his sweet voice call my name. Since I stroked his cheeks, brushed his hair back, mugged on him and snuggled him in the morning.

18 Extremely long months since I gazed into his amazing gray/green eyes and told him that I loved him.

18 Months ago I wondered how in the world I would live another day without him.

Yet here I am 18 months later living yet one more day without him physically here.

But honestly he is here with me. Here in a different sense.

Although I feel him less and less close, I feel him, I hear him, I know him.

He sends us the most beautiful quiet messages of love, comfort and hope.

I think it's his way of giving us hope for another day. Hope that we will be together soon and signs to reassure us that he is still here...closer than we know. 

Ways for him to remind us of his sweetness, his comfort and his reassurance that although this test of life is hard it's for a greater and divine purpose yet to come if we but endure and endure well.

Little signs to remember this and him forever and always.

I cherish each one!

Lately I've thought a lot about how I am going to live 30+ years without Miles physically here.

I'm going to do it just as I have already.... one day at a time for 30+ years.

That's really all I can do. But trusting in God's divine plan with all my heart and soul, giving all I have to him I can live each one of those days with comfort and hope for a better day.

A day that I will hold each one of my children in my arms again with my husband, together as a celestial family encircled in eternal glory.

But only if I live each day on a higher plane, a higher level and a higher commitment.

Sometimes that is easier said than done. But there is always hope for a better day.

Yet as I strive to live to that higher standard, I feel so much peace and love from my Father that my son Miles is with me and my family. That he is behind us pushing us forward, beside us guiding us along and in front of us clearing the way for us so that we can and will be together again.

Oh how I miss this boy just as much and/or more than ever before.

I would give anything to have a missionary letter, email, phone call, photo or anything of that sweet boy as he is serving his mission elsewhere.

I can't even imagine the things he is doing to help others.

Yet I know it's divine work, and he is needed for it. 

So I am putting my trust in this knowledge and letting him do this work that he is needed for.

Knowing that the reward at the end is worth every hard day and moment.

18 Months....it's not long, yet it feels like forever at the same time.