The past 18 months have been so hard not having Miles around. We miss his sweet voice, his tender touch, him running up to us and giving us a giant hug and kiss from a long day. I miss combing his hair and sweeping it gently to the side "the handsome way" as he would call it. I miss smelling him after a bath, tucking him into bed, snuggling him first thing in the morning and asking him how his night was. I miss making him breakfast, lunch and dinner. Reading him stories before bed and hearing his beautifully contagious laugh around the house. I truly miss EVERYTHING about my precious son. The good and the bad, if you can even call it bad. Oh what I would give to just have even one minute with him again. That minute would be the fastest minute of my life I'm sure, and I know I would just want more and more.
It's so hard as time ticks on to be gone from him longer and longer. It's harder to remember his smell, his touch, his laugh, his voice and so much more. I hate that about time. Why do the memories seem so distant yet so close at the same time? It's the strangest thing to even try to explain. As time ticks on I feel Miles more and more distant. I know he is around us, watching over us. I know he laughs with us, cries with us and tries to help and console us. Yet I feel him less and less. He is more and more distant. That's hard to cope with. Yet when we do feel him, it's so special, hopeful and so sacred. He seems to come when we least expect it but just right when we need him most. For that I'm grateful. Grateful that he not only let's us know he is around but also grateful that I'm still and quiet enough to know and recognize those moments. Those truly are such amazing moments and help build by hope and faith. They bring overwhelming and pure joy to my heart and soul.
For 18 months now I have prayed daily that Miles and I can and may be allowed to work together conjunctively on both sides of the veil. I can't think of anything more honorable than to work with such an amazing angel as my son. Oh the lives he must be touching!
It wasn't until months ago that I realized that Miles truly is about a sacred work that I can't and shouldn't be distracting him from. He must be or why else would God call my sweet son home? The thought of Miles helping others facing hard trials such as myself has truly helped me realize that he has very important things to do. Celestial things in fact. So I need to allow Miles to be about his sacred work and help those who need him most. I know how much I need my angels to help me through hard times, and thus Miles' people need him too. Understanding this has helped me to let go of him in a way that I'm not sure I have the words to truly convey because it's not like I've forgotten him or don't miss him, but it's that I know I can't have him worrying about me so much that he can't be about his work.
Realizing this has truly helped my heart with some of it's healing. Does it take the hurt, pain or even grief away? No way. But it does help shine a softer yet brighter light on things.
Just last night a dear friend found herself in the same department at the hospital that I last held my son in my arms before he left on his Celestial Mission. She shared with me how scared she was as she sat there with her sweet little boy who was so frail, fighting so hard against the odds. She shared with me sacred details of Miles being there for not only her but also her sweet little one. Mark and I were overcome with joy and love when she shared with us those feelings and thoughts. It only confirmed to me that my prayers are being heard. That not only is Miles about a sacred work, but we are in fact working together from both sides of the veil. Miles knows how dear this friend is to me and that their family needs help from angels. So of course my sweet Miles is watching over and helping them. We truly are working together, and always will be working together. It's just that I can't always see it with my mortal eyes. For this truth and testament I am so grateful! What an answer to prayers it was hearing her sweet experiences.
I know angels are real....my son is one. I know we all have angels around us helping us with all the trials this life deals us. I know that we work conjunctively with these angels on each side of the veil whether we realize it or not. I'm grateful to know that my son is about a greater work that this mortal life couldn't allow and that he is helping so many wonderful people, even people I know! I love you Miles!!!! Keep up the amazing work sweet boy!!!