Bittersweet Birthdays

Miles' birthday will forever be a bittersweet day for us.

It's a day of beautiful, loving and amazing memories.

Yet it's hard to think of actually celebrating without him here.

I mean, do you sing Happy Birthday?

Because singing to someone and not having them there is sometimes like a knife to the heart.

Bittersweet for sure.

So we did our annual balloon launch.

Clara's first one got stuck in the trees.

Clara loved seeing the balloons flying aways in the air with our messages of love floating up to Heaven for Miles.

Vivian was so sweet and was sure to send her's with a kiss.

She misses Miles so much!

All weekend as people we brining messages and gifts of love with cupcakes covering our counter, Vivian kept asking when Miles was coming to eat his cupcakes with us.

The poor girl, she understands so much yet it still doesn't make any sense.

And why should it, it doesn't always to me either?

When we went to Miles' transformation place Vivian bolted out of the car so excited to visit Miles.

She ran to his headstone, sat down and stroked the picture of him and kept saying "oh buddy we love you and miss you so much."

It was so sweet!

This year, we decided to take Miles' tote of special things with us.

As we got each thing out we told the girls stories about Miles and what we he loved.

It felt really good. 

Mark and I haven't seen many of his special things in a LONG time.

It felt so good to see them, touch them and just have them around us again.

I really miss having so many boy things around the house, especially Miles' things everywhere!

I won't lie, Mark and I were both a little disappointed that Vivian didn't remember many of his things.

I thought she would remember a few key ones that she saw every single day, like his lion bath towel.

But she didn't, and I can't expect her to as she was only 17 months old when he passed.

Nonetheless, it hurt a little.

This was by far the best visit graveside visit we have ever had.

I loved seeing his headstone covered with all his favorite toys and the girls playing all around the area with them.

Even though the weekend was long, and our emotions were tense and up and down, Mark and I were overwhelmed and lifted by all the kindness shown to us. 

We had had so many lovely and touching things done for us all week long.

All the messages of love, pictures of balloon launches, kind acts done, cupcakes, flowers, etc.

Words can't express just how much each one meant to us and just how much our hearts were lifted by even the simplest of gestures.

Thank you so much for loving our son and remembering him on his special day!

It means the world to us that he is thought of, remembered, and loved by so many.