Maybe It Is Fair

The other night after a long day Mark and I sat in the kid's room with the girls busy all around us. We were talking about Miles and the girls. We talked about things we used to do as a family. We were remembering good times and laughing, crying and remembering and feeling so much joy and love. It was then that I started to breakdown....the tears began to flow. I reached out to Mark and embraced him and finally said it out loud "It's not fair." This is something I have felt, yet haven't really allowed myself to dwell on let alone say it out loud. I sat there in that moment just hugging him as I cried and said again "It's not fair...why did Miles' leave us. Why is this our life? Why did this happen? Why?" As I sat there feeling Mark's embrace he said to me "I don't know why. But I've been thinking lately it doesn't seem fair, but maybe it is. Maybe it's more than fair and we just can't see it yet or even understand. Maybe one day when we see the whole picture we will understand more and see that it was all part of the plan and in the end it was more than fair."

I was so shocked and taken back by Mark's answer. Maybe Mark is on to something. Something I haven't explored because I can't and won't let my heart explore that yet. I then made the mood light by saying "Well it better be more than fair or else...."

Then about half an hour later we began family scripture study. I read that night. We have been reading the Doctrine Covenants in the Book of Mormon, so I began reading D&C 98. It said:

1. Verily I say unto you my friends, fear not, let your hearts be comforted; yea, rejoice evermore, and in everything give thanks.
2. Waiting patiently on the Lord, for your prayers have entered into the ears of the Lord of Sabaoth, and are recorded with this seal and testament- the Lord hath sworn and decreed that they shall be granted. 
3. Therefore, he giveth this promise unto you, with an immutable covenant that they shall be fulfilled; and all things wherewith you have been afflicted shall work together for your good and to my name's glory, saith the Lord.

Mark and I looked at each other as I finished reading those verses. We exchanged a smile and a huge sigh along with a big voiced "wow" from each of us. I couldn't get these verses out of my head so I referred back to them a couple days later and studied them further. I was lead to D&C 122:7 which stated:
 And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.

After reading that I reflected on what Mark had said about maybe it's more than fair. Maybe it is, I can't really say at this point. But I do know that because of our trials in life, especially those we have faced within the last year and a half, we are different people. We live differently, we see life in a different perspective, we behave differently and most of all we love differently. We have been changed for forever. Miles passing away has truly been the hardest trial of my life. I hope it continues to be, but as I know life to be, there will be other hard trials in the future. Hopefully not as tragic though. But I have to say even though it has felt at times as the gates of Hell were close, I know they haven't been. So if God says that all things are given to me for my experience and for my good I have to take faith and hold on to the fact that this promise is true. That he will make my trials more than fair when I return to him again in honor and love. I look forward to that day with all my heart and being. Every fiber in my body is holding on that that day is near.


  1. Wow. Such insight needed by all of us. Once again...thank you. Thank you.

  2. Thank you for writing. This is such a great reminder.

  3. I'm so glad you married Mark. He is your perfect compliment. Thank you for sharing this insight with us. Although, my trials are different than yours, it's a good reminder that maybe my trials are fair.

  4. Perfectly stated, Andrae. Thanks for sharing your personal inspiration so freely with others. I believe your experience has already been a missionary tool for good.

  5. It's not fair is something I try not to say or think too. My hubby says Are you sure you want everything in life to be fair? That would mean "fair" has to apply to everyone and everything. Would I want to give up warm house so that it would be fair to the homeless. Or suffer every tragedy would have to happen to everyone for life to be "fair". Such a hard concept...

  6. Such a great message again. Thanks Andrae! I'm learning so much from you.

  7. Pat is constantly reminding me of this. Though I do believe it, I often let my emotions get in the way, or just wish there was a different trial that could teach me all these hard lessons. Anyway, keep on moving forward. You're doing great.

  8. What an interesting and important perspective to think about. I have never thought about it that way. I'm so glad you are posting such thoughtful things during this long road of grieving. Love you Andrae. Keep on keeping on, that's all you can do right? Love you! XOXO