2.12.2014

Refreshing

A week and a half ago I decided it was time to put away Miles' things in his drawer.
I talked to Mark about it because this wasn't just my decision, it was our decision.
Mark agreed that it was time.
I opened his drawer and carefully removed each item.
As I held each item memories flooded over me. I sweetly cherished each item as I packed them carefully away full of love.
Mark and I reflected upon lots of memories we had with each article of clothing.
I held his 1969 skinny jeans up one last time next to me, hovering barely above the floor just to remember how tall he was. I can't tell you how often I have done this.
Oh man his tiny little bum in those jeans was too stinking cute!
{Thank you Sara for gifting him those for his birthday! I will cherish them forever!!!!}

Packing up his clothes and favorite little "treasuries" as he called them,  was more emotional than I even thought. So many wonderful memories and feelings are tied to each of those items.

Once the drawer was empty my body physically couldn't seem to put Clara's things in the now stark cold empty drawer.
This was strange because I really needed the space for her things.
{Any sort of storage space around here is coveted.}
Yet, it wasn't her drawer and I couldn't put anything else in it. That drawer was too full of wonderful memories that smacked me in the face with the reality that all I had left of Miles are memories and his earthly "treasuries."
So without thinking I went and found my favorite contact paper.
I instantly was measuring and cutting out enough to line the drawer as Clara and Vivian crawled all around me and the mess that was now accumulating all over the place.
My nerves were frazzled as I was loosing my patience at times with my sweet girls as they wanted to keep getting into everything, touch everything and "help" me with this new project.
I have found when my emotions are very raw and on the surface keeping my patience at times is a challenge. 
Realizing this was now a family project, I made sure each girl got to participate in some way.
Even if it was just playing with the extra strips cut off and pretending they were magical wands.

It was amazing how simply putting cute liner in the drawer instantly brought a smile to my face.
The drawer now felt fresh, new and special in another way...literally.
I then found excitement in carefully space planning out and placing each of Clara's sweet little things into her new or refreshed drawer.
But I didn't stop there, the drawer felt so refreshing, I then lined each of the girls drawers with the pale blue and cream floral liner.

Lining the dresser drawers wasn't a project I had anticipated for the day or at all for that matter.
It took a fair amount of time out of my already busy day full of projects.
Yet, my internal instincts new exactly what needed to be done for my mental well being.
I'm so glad I didn't think twice about the project and just did it.
Packing up Miles' belongings was a very hard and emotional journey.
One that still isn't done, as we have left all his clothes in the closet still hanging up.
Putting away some of Miles' things is beautiful and hard, yet it's something that we need to do to help us on our healing journey.

Now each time I open Clara's drawers, or even Vivian's for that matter, I can't help but smile and feel refreshed from that beautiful floral drawer liner.
Through this journey of our  I have learned that it's the littlest things that are sometimes the hardest to do yet the most beautiful in their own way.
Just like each little one of Miles' "treasuries" everything he left me, physical items and most of all my memories of him, will always be the most beautiful "treasuires" to me!

3 comments:

  1. 2014 is for being brave for sure! What a huge step! And I love the drawer liners. I want a roll that cute!

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  2. My mom passed away when I saw 11. For about 7 years, my dad left her things in her drawers and closet exactly as they were the day she left. I will never forget how angry I was when he came home and announced that he was going to take everything out, let me pick out a few things that were important to me, and then donate the rest. I cried for hours and mumbled words of hatred under my breath. But you know what? Once everything was cleaned out, I felt so much better. It was like we were frozen in time waiting for her to come back. Cleaning out her things helped my irrational mind accept that she was not coming back in a physical sense. It also allowed me to be more aware of when I was "feeling" her close to me, which was so comforting. This is such a hard road that you have been asked to travel down, but I know that someday we will see the rich blessings of our most difficult struggles. Sending prayers to you and your family!

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  3. Impressive! And to think that paper in the bottom of the drawer would make things feel a little better :)

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