We Aren't Alone

Today is another hard day of three this time of year. I can't believe another year has come and gone. I am filled with so many thoughts, feelings and emotions I just don't even know how to deal with them all. I can't actually! It's another day of reflecting on really great memories, conversations and morning snuggles so long ago, but tainted with hard memories as well. They are all so fresh to me. If only I could travel back to that day three years ago, even for just a minute. To feel true happiness and joy again that isn't tainted by loss. To hear Miles' voice again. To feel his touch and smell his sweetness again. Oh what I would give for those little things right now!

As I reflect on that day three years ago I think the hardest thing for me to wrap my mind around is how we go from such great moments like this, the easy going morning, jumping on the bed and giggling the morning away.

To hours later being driven through the beautiful fall colors of the mountains in nothing but my wet swim suite and a cover up to the hospital only to arrive and find my son hooked up to every possible machine I could imagine. To never see his eyes open again, or hear his sweet voice one last time. I still can't wrap my mind and heart around it all.

I remember vividly so many details from that day and his accident. Most of all I remember thinking as I yelled to my husband "Mark, you have to help Miles," that this is not really happening. As I handed Vivian off to my sister in law for her to take away from the chaos around Miles, I remember being worried about the little cousins around. I vividly remember walking to each of them trying to comfort them and let them each know that everything was going to be okay. I was lost. It was as though I was not in my own body, and I remember a voice telling me "to wake up, this is real, this is really happening, you need to be present in this moment." But I could hardly bare the scene of my husband and then others performing CPR on our own son. It hurt more than anything to watch as I finally realized that I needed to be in that moment. So I sat still, holding his hand, just hoping for a miracle.

I will never forget the two ladies, whom I have never meet, and still don't know their faces, as they wrapped me in a blanket, hugged me and prayed out loud over and over for my son. I was so frozen in a place I still don't know. But hearing them speak of God is exactly what my soul needed. I needed God more than anything right then. We all did, especially Miles. I then realized that Miles was on his way to God at that moment. So I yelled to him over and over "Miles come back. Come back to me. Don't leave me. You have to come back to me. I need you here with me Buddy." But I think he was already speaking with God on the other side, and was torn as to where he should be.

For two LONG days Mark and I spent every second by Miles' side in the hospital. We made sure he was never alone as he fought hard at life. It never really seemed real to me. Crazy I know, but it didn't. I felt like I was just numbly going through each minute in each hour. I had no concept of time, whereabouts or others around me. I only knew his room, his nurses and his doctors. That's all I could focus on.

But it was the second night I remember coming back from the cafeteria, where we literally ate nothing. We just had to leave his room for staff changes for the hour. Just as we were making our way back into the PICU a couple I didn't even see asked if we were with the Kelly Family. Mark and I stopped in our tracks, door halfway open. I couldn't help but wonder who they were. How did they even know our last name? They asked how the little Kelly boy was doing and if we knew if he was okay. I looked up at them, and told them we were his parents, and that it was looking as though we were going to be facing a very hard decision to let him go the following day if things didn't change in the night. They expressed their deepest sympathy as they said they had been praying for him and us.

Just then I wondered why they were in the PICU waiting room. As I asked, they said their daughter was there fighting a brain issue, but that she had had a miracle happen and was doing very well. In fact they were leaving the PICU in the morning. Our conversation was brief, heartfelt and we connected as parents holding out hope for our children. It was after that moment that I found myself walking back to Miles' room and realizing how many rooms were in that department, and realizing how many were occupied. I never even noticed any of them before. My heart was full thinking of each of the children and their families holding out hope and fighting for one more day in that department. It was then I realized we weren't alone in our trials. Often we feel as though we are the only ones facing hardship, and we can't do it. But in that moment I realized we aren't alone. We are all fighting hard at an unexpected trial at times in our lives. (If you haven't yet, I'm sorry to tell you that one day you will be.) Some trials are harder than other, but none the less each one is hard for us. We need all the love and support we can get from those around us, even strangers. There truly is lifting power in prayers for others. I know, I have felt them and continue to as many of you are so kind to continue to pray for our family. And for that lifting power and support you have given us, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. It has seen me through some of the hardest and darkest of times!

Showering in Tears

The past week and a half I have been not just crying, but sobbing and truly bawling again. I haven't allowed myself to really cry like this in well over a year. I feel as though it's all bottled up and now I can't keep it in. But, I try not to let the girls see me when I'm really bad. I tend to let it out in the shower. There is just something about taking a long hot shower and letting it all out. I'm finding myself allowing myself to truly break down in those moments. Holding onto the walls for support and strength that I just can't muster up myself. There are times it's hard to tell if the water is actually from the shower or if I am the one filling the shower walls with my tears.

Tonight as I took yet another LONG shower of tears, my mind and heart kept reflecting on my last night with Miles' here on this Earth. These are just a few of the pictures we captured from that night's adventures with family.

We roasted homemade marshmallows outside in the crisp fall air with all our cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents. Miles roasted like five or six that night, but barely ate one. Poor Mark and Vivian were on a sugar high from all his roasted marshmallows.

 But honestly little Vivian loved it! (I can't believe how tiny she is.)

And oh how the kids loved bathing in the GIANT tub in our room. They had never seen such an enormous tub before. I think they thought it was their own personal swim pool in our room. They bathed in there for forever! And giggled the entire time! They both loved bath time together.

These are just a few of the moments replaying in my mind and heart tonight as I reflect on this night three very LONG and SHORT years ago.

Then I remembered this post about that night. (click here)
I honestly can't tell you what a sacred night that was for me. I truly feel as though the spirit was speaking to my heart and soul that night. I will NEVER forget that sleepless night. It's still so fresh in my soul and burned into my heart. It's funny I didn't sleep at all that night, yet I wasn't exhausted at all.

Then as I read over that post I'm thinking how interesting it is that I posted about our news of expecting Clara, and here I find myself about ready to have another baby girl within the next two weeks. Oh how interesting God's timing is in life. I have learned I have no control, but he is in control and one day I will know his reason for his timing and trials. So here's to another sleepless night. Oh how I pray to dream of Miles tonight!

Angel Siblings - Always Remembering

After Miles passed away I wondered if Vivian would remember him and know she had a brother. She was only 17 months old. But I didn't just want Vivian to know she she had a big brother, I wanted all our children to know him and include him in their lives. It's heartbreaking to say, but Vivian's actual memories of Miles with her physically have slowly faded. But her and Clara continue to talk about Miles and include him daily in our family. They are sure to tell everyone they have a big brother named Miles. I truly LOVE it!

As much as I love them telling everyone about Miles it can get a little awkward at times. While celebrating Miles' birthday in Utah we were at a restaurant for lunch and the girls were playing in the play room. Mark, my aunt and I were watching the girls from the glass windows seated outside the room. We noticed that Vivian and Clara were playing with some girls their ages. Suddenly we saw that Vivian was getting rather excited about what she was talking to the little girl her age. Vivian's hands were getting more and more expressive with her talking. We laughed about Vivian's passion at times and how physically expressive she can be. Minutes later we noticed that Vivian now had that sweet little girl backed up in a corner, and Vivian's hands were on her hips and her head was getting closer and closer to that innocent girls face. We had never seen this behavior from Vivian. Mark promptly got up and went to see what was going on. I was sort of laughing at the matter with my aunt, but worried too. What could be going on up there? They were just having fun, what changed and why was Vivian behaving this way?

When Mark came back he said that as soon as he went into the play room, the poor little girl was backed up as far as possible in the corner and was telling Vivian that she was scaring her. But Vivian just kept saying "Yeah, and my brother is Miles and he died" over and over. So Mark broke up the commotion and had our girls come out. Vivian immediately told me that she was just telling her new friend about Miles. I sort of laughed, but very nervously. I was so glad she was remembering him, and speaking of him. But maybe not in that manner. The poor little girl didn't know what she was in for when she met our passionate Vivian. I didn't even realize how passionate Vivian was about telling others about Miles until that moment.

I found myself  very uncomfortable with the situation, and sad that our lives have come to a moment like this. A moment that I wasn't sure if I should address the matter with the girls mother or what I should tell Vivian, because she really didn't do anything bad. She just scared the poor girl and talking about someone dying is probably not a common thing to that girl. (I wish it weren't something my girls knew much about either. I swear a couple times a week, when my girls are playing house either their sister or brother has died. I have never gotten use to that kind of talk in my house. But I suppose it's part of their grieving.)

As uncomfortable and perplexed as I was by the whole situation in the play room I have to say that part of my heart was full of love and joy at the fact that Vivian was remember and including Miles in her daily life. That she wanted her friends and those she meets to know her brother and that he is part of her life still today. It is what I worried she would lose and forget, but she is showing us passionately that she is not forgetting him anytime soon. Angel siblings truly are special children!

Miles' Birthday 2015

For Miles' Birthday we spent the weekend in Salt Lake City. We were there for doctor visits for another child, and thought we would make a weekend of it. We spent each day doing some of Miles' favorite things. First up, one of Miles' favorite places that we celebrated his third birthday. It's basically a mini indoor amusement park. The girls loved the carousel.

 And of course the swings are always a hit.

Mark and I enjoyed watching the girls on these flying spaceships the most. They were Miles' favorite! He called them the "Buzz Ships" after Buzz Lightyear of course.

The next day we spent the day in the mountains. We drove up to Silver Lake for a nice stroll and lunch around the lake. It has always been one of our family's favorite places to go. In the summer you could find us there almost weekly. It's beautiful in the fall!!! And we were lucky the colors were just starting to turn.

Feeding the ducks is a must on our list at Silver Lake. The kids always love spending a lot of time at this spot with the ducks. It always cracks me up how they eat two bites of bread per every one they feed the ducks. Thus we never take moldy bread with us. Lucky ducks!

Of course most of us were sporting our BYU shirts. Plus that night it was game night that night, so we had to show our Y Pride!

We sat and ate lunch at a spot that I last ate lunch with Miles and Vivian along with some good friends on one of our last visits to Silver Lake. It was a tender moment for me sitting and eating in the shade of the trees and watching the girls explore the rocks around. Oh how I wish I could go back to that afternoon just three years ago! I would never leave that spot again!!!

We were super lucky and at the end we saw a young calf Moose eating in the lake. We all watched for it for forever, just taking in the majesty before our eyes.

After the lake we spent the rest of the day driving up through the canyons to see all the changing colors of the trees. Utah mountains are simply breathtaking! I found a knot in my throat and stomach as we drove into Park City and passed the place that I last snuggled my son in my bed and told him how much I loved him. It felt as though the breath had been knocked out of me as we passed the resort. What tender and sacred place that will always be to me. While driving a long loop of canyons we were able to stop in and visit some good friends and spend time with them and their kids. The girls welcomed the break from the car and running around with friends.

While in Utah we made sure to eat at some some of Miles' favorite places. We watched BYU football and simply spent time as a family.

One evening I met with an angel mom who just lost her precious son a month prior. She is a good friend of a family member's, but I had never meet her before. I took her a few things that have helped me in my healing process. We literally spent hours crying and talking as our desserts melted, basically untouched. It was a very sacred night and I feel honored to have meet her and now call her a friend myself!

On Miles' actual birthday we took the day very easy. I didn't want the hype and pressure of doing any sort of birthday celebrations as we have in the past. I just couldn't do that this year. Notoriously it seems as though either Mark or I, or even both, are very upset that day and having so much commotion going on doesn't help. It's just too much to bare at times. So we slowly drove home that day, driving through another canyon and stopping off at some very dear friends. When we got there we gifted to their very special son all the clothes we had bought for Miles for the upcoming fall and summer that he never got to wear. Months ago I went through his clothes preparing for a project with his clothes. I didn't know what to do with all the clothes that still bore tags. I had dreamed of Miles wearing them, and couldn't just give them away to charity. For months I have wondered what to do with them, and all I could think of was our friend's special little boy who faces heavy life challenges himself. Miles prayed for their sweet little boy nightly the last month and a half before he passed. He truly loved him. So Mark and I couldn't think of anyone else to give Miles' things to. It brought so much joy to Mark and I to see how excited he was to wear the Mater Pajamas Miles was so excited about wearing. Seeing their sweet little boy in those pajamas and his huge smile as he proudly ran into the room to show us was the best birthday present we could have asked for that day! It was truly better than any cake, candle blowing and balloon launch we could have done that day....unless of course we had Miles here to do those things with. I left that weekend with my heart feeling lifted about the service we gave, the people we saw and all the special memories we made that weekend. It felt as though Miles was there with us for each moment and was happy to see us all together as family remember and celebrating him!

Dear Miles- Seven

Dear Miles,
I can't believe that you are seven on Sunday. Some people may think it's strange that I still count the age you would be, but you are my son. My first born child. The one who first made me a mother and your dad a father seven years ago. So of course I count the years, I always will! You made such a huge impact on my life, my soul and my very being seven years ago. In fact longer than that actually. Your dad and I eagerliy awaited welcoming you into our home and lives well before we knew you were coming for sure. You and I had a special connection that I hold sacred years before you entered this life.

Your first couple weeks of life were scary and touch and go for a bit. Seeing you lay there in the NICU, not knowing what was going on with your sweet and tiny little body was so scary for us. But your little spirit was strong and we knew you were a fighter, thus your name Miles David (meaning Solider Beloved). The day we finally brought you home was so surreal. You and I struggled with a few things for a long time. But we worked together and eventually overcame many things together. I would do anything for you then, just as I would now!!!

Oh buddy, I truly miss you more than words can even begin to express. I find my mind and heart wandering a lot this time of year about what life would be like with you here. Would you and Vivian be best buddies? Would you two argue about what show to watch on TV, what game to play or even what to have for lunch? I have a feeling that you and Clara would be partners in crime doing crazy things on your bikes, building amazing forts and keeping me on my toes each second of the day. Would you like school? Or would you cling to me every day that I dropped you off? I'm sure you would still count the minutes until you dad got home and then follow him around the house doing projects all night with your own set of little tools. Dad really misses his little helper man around here!

I wonder what you would want for your birthday. Sadly I don't even know what little boys like anymore. I'm so far removed from that world now, it actually hurts. I should know what boys like. What the latest and coolest toys are, but I still can't hardly go down the boy toy aisle. It still hurts that you aren't around to drag me down each one of the aisles every time we go to the store. In fact I miss buying you a matchbox car instead of a treat for your good behavior in the store. Man you have quite the collection of cars buddy. Vivian and Clara love playing with them! Oh how I love to see the girls play with your cars and hear the sound of the metal clinging together and the wheel roll down the ramps. Don't worry, all your special cars are safely put away in your special box. We cherish each and every worn and scratched car!!!

Speaking of the girls, they both still speak of you daily. They love you and miss you so much! Clara has recently been carrying your picture from their dresser around and saying how much she misses you while she hugs your picture. It's so sweet. And Vivian was very distraught the other day when she realized we needed another chair at the table for you to sit at. She thinks the baby is going to use the extra one we have. I told her we would buy another chair, or you could use the green one, since it is your favorite color. Vivian truly thinks you are coming back soon. She knows that you will come when Jesus comes back to Earth. She is looking forward to this day just as your dad and I are. Oh how I long for that day!!!!

I can't believe it has been three years now since you were here to celebrate your birthday! We celebrate each year, but it's just not the same without you here. It's hard around the house without the excitement of all the birthday planning that you loved so much. In fact to be honest, each year has been so bittersweet, emotional and just too much to handle at times. So this year we are doing things a little different. We are heading to Utah for other reasons, so we are making a weekend out of it for you buddy. We are taking the girls to do some of your favorite things, eat at your favorite places, and hike your favorite hikes (although a couple of your real favorites will have to wait until after I'm not so pregnant). And of course it's not your birthday without a visit to the BYU Bookstore for some BYU gear, that's a must! Your dad and I are looking forward to sharing with the girls some of your favorite things!

We also started the week, which I think we will continue into the next month, of service for others in your honor. It's a way for us to help others, as you always did. To remember that we all have trials and need a little help carrying our heavy loads in this challenging life. Most of all it's a way to bring a smile to another who truly need it. Small but simple acts of kindness, just as you always demonstrated throughout your short but sweet life. I pray we feel you close during these moments of service and those we serve feel your love too!

Miles we miss you, cherish you and long to see and hold you again some day soon we pray! Happy Seventh Birthday my son!!! Stay close to me, I need you to! Help me and your family as you are helping others. We fully support you in all your glorious work. I hope you feel the love and prayers we send you each and every day. Thank you for choosing us as your family and for making our world so much better for coming into our lives. We LOVE you buddy!!!
All my love my son.
Mommy

How To Help A Grieving Parent

 Okay, it's been a bit since I've blogged. We bought a new but old house, and I feel fall coming, so I've been throwing all my stress and anxiety into paint brushes, rollers, wallpaper scraping and so much more. But it's taking a toll on this 31 week pregnant body.

I've had a lot on my mind lately. It's been so interesting because I have recently had so many people reach out to me asking me how they can help a dear friend who has just lost a child. First, let me say that it breaks my heart into pieces for each of the families I learn of. Second, I'm honored that people would even think to ask me how they can help. Third, there really are good, no amazing people out there who just want to help but feel so helpless. (I'm sure many of our family and friends have felt this same way for us. They want to help, but just truly don't know what to do.)

Now I know that everyone grieves in different ways, and every loss is a different case. So I ask you to just really think, ponder and pray about what you can do for those you know who are struggling through this crazy, long and sometimes dark path of child loss.

Here are the suggestions I have found I have been giving as of late, in no particular order:

- Just be there. Let them know you are there if they ever want to talk. They might not, and if they are like me won't want to for awhile. But randomly things would and do come up for me in the middle of conversations and I would open up just a little from time to time. So just wait patiently, expecting nothing, but be prepared to just listen when those moment happen.

- Send cards in the mail. A few dear friends were so kind to send little notes of "Just Thinking of You" cards randomly. Each one lifted my heart, made me cry and made me feel so loved and remembered. Send them when you feel inspired, and even months and years later. Each one truly touched my heart, and I have seriously kept each and every single one! I have a special box they go in.

- Send little messages on Facebook, email or text. Again each one means the world to me, and again I have kept every single one. But don't expect a response, they responded in their hearts immediately. Just know that they received it, and they were touched by your thoughtfulness. (But don't be too overbearing with these messages either. Give them some breathing room too.)

- Call once in awhile. Just a little check in. They may not answer, but that's okay. They may be having a rough day. Just leave a message. And should they answer, all you need to say is "I was thinking of you today." That's really all that needs to be said. If they do want to talk, just listen, even if it's silent for a bit. And it's okay if they are crying on the other end. Crying is a daily thing in their new journey of grief.

- Give them a book. We have had so many books given to us that have truly been so healing. In fact we call them our "Healing Books." Here is our reading list (click here).

- Drop a big package, or have one delivered of tissues with a note "Just want you to know we love you and are thinking of you." There will never be too many tissues on hand at their house to catch those falling tears. (I personally give hand embroidered handkerchiefs now to those I meet or hear about. I carry a special one my grandmother gave me before she passed everywhere with me. It's my way of saying I know you are going to cry, I know this road is hard but you are loved and thought of in those moments.)

- Have a necklace or bracelet made for them with their child's name or initials on it. Anything they can wear, even shirts for them or their living children with their child's name is a treasure for sure! I rarely go a day without wearing a special piece given to me by dear ones reminding me of Miles.

- Make dinner, or if you live far away have pizza or something delivered. People don't really know this but I didn't really cook much of anything for over a year after Miles passed. Cooking and grocery shopping were absolute torture!!!! We cook and shop for our children and their needs in mind. So doing this was just a constant stab to the heart. Some dear friends even made us two weeks worth of meals in a bag, that were life savers for us. Oh and another angel mom stocked my fridge when I had Clara, that was such a blessing!

- Give the gift of soft and uplifting music. Losing a child is such a life changing event. The last thing Mark and I wanted was to fill our home and hearts with things that were loud that felt so cruel and unimportant. In fact Mark just barely listened to the radio for the first time this past month. We mostly try and have uplifting and classical music in the home.

-The most important thing of any is remember their child. Speak their child's name. Help them remember those everyday moments you witnessed and cherished with their child too. These are more precious than gold and silver to a grieving parent. When you speak their name and remember moments with them, they are going to cry, but that's okay. It's the fact that you loved their child and remember them that is bringing tears to their eyes. Remember their child's birthdays and milestones they would be having too. The hardest part about losing a child is watching everyone elses lives move on and move forward while you are frozen and even stuck in two worlds now. One that you held that beautiful child and people knew their face, their smile, their laugh; a world that now feels like the best dream ever. While the other is the world cruelly moving forward, changing and growing without your child physically there that people don't see or know your child anymore.

For Mark and I we have experienced two sides of reactions of others. Those who don't know what to say and or do, and so they avoid us like an awful plague. This is more hurtful than anything! And then there are those who don't know what to say, and maybe say the wrong thing. But that's okay, because neither Mark nor I can imagine how it must be to want to help so much, but not know what to do. So we don't hold anger or judgement towards things maybe misunderstood. We both personally feel that it's better to say "I love you and I have no words to express my true sadness and ache for you" rather than say nothing at all.

Again, I know every person grieves differently. So some of these things may not be helpful. But I hope and pray that maybe there is one thing on this list that may help you help another grieving parent. More than anything just show them tender and true love. They need all the love they can feel in their lives for a long time, not just weeks or month after. Be thoughtful and considerate as you think about how you can help another. And can I just say from those of us who have been lifted by your kind acts of love, THANK YOU! Each and every message, card, text, gift, flower sent and hug given has truly been appreciated!!!

Excercising Swimming Caution

As the months and days have warmed up we often find ourselves with our children cooling off from the heat in water. This is always a very sensitive subject for me, and you better believe I exercise extreme caution around water. So much so, I rarely go into pools myself with the children. I find myself feeling the responsibility to watch other children whose parents are not watching them and are reading books, on their phones or tablets or engaged in conversation with others. It then becomes so overwhelming and stressful for me, I often pack the kids up and head home.

But as most of you know it was about a year after Miles' pool accident that I put Vivian in swimming lessons. That was a REALLY HARD thing to do. But Mark and I felt compelled to empower our children and ourselves around water. So since that time we have gone to weekly swim lessons year round, and there is no end in sight as to when we will finish. We are in swim lessons indefinitely. Both Vivian and Clara go now. But this is still not an easy thing for me to go and do with the children each week. I really have to bury my feelings, emotions and fears. Although the fears are always on the surface and my nerves a bit on edge for the entire lesson.

We have had really wonderful and amazing teachers over the past couple years. Each one teaching us something great and truly life saving. We are grateful and touched by each one of them!

A couple of our rules we live by are:
1. No getting in the water until you ask. This means my children have to turn to me, or their swim teacher and ask "May I get in the water please." Only until they are told yes, can they get in. We strictly enforce this rule in our family!

2. Having a designated "Child Watcher" - This is a person assigned to watch over 3 children max at a time who is designated to watch the children in or around the water. This person is not allowed to read, talk to others or have any other distractions while on duty. Because we have two children and there are two parents, we make sure to verbally communicate and acknowledge who is in charge of which child, and confirm that they know they are in charge of that child while in the water. (I even do this with my parents or family members if we are with them around water. Actually I do this even when are at the playground or my parent's nice big yard, with the river across the road. Or just in public in general. It's always good to know who is in charge of and is watching which child.)

But I want to talk about one other caution with water today. Stairs and children. Children don't understand that stairs in water are different than stairs in the house. They know how and are safe on stairs at home, so they think the same is the case with stairs in the water. This is NOT the case. Stairs are actually extremely dangerous and children need to know that they can only go on what is designated and shown to them by an adult as their "Safety Stair." This is the last stair they can go on before they are in danger. Count with your child and physically show them and help them understand which stair is their "Safety Stair." (For example...Clara's safety stair is stair 2 and Vivian's is stair 3 most often right now. These are the stairs they can still have their chest and head above the water and be safe on.)

Almost a month ago I learned another valuable things about stairs and pools with children. We were at swim lessons, waiting for our teacher to finish with her previous student. The girls asked if they could get in water and wait on the stairs. I said yes, and I literally sat right next to the pool by them. Watching only them. This is our weekly routine. The girls were enjoying the water and all was well. I was holding Vivian's goggles and noticed a scratch on them. I examined the scratch for just seconds making sure it wasn't impairing her sight when she wears them. Then I looked up and saw Clara floating away face down in the water. Shock took over. Seconds...literally seconds is all it took and my baby girl was floating away. The sight is still so haunting to me, that I'm literally in tears writing this. Without even thinking I walked in fully clothed, shoes and all and reach in and grabbed her. She was floating away so fast that an on looker said he thought I fell in because I was in so deep. But he also said he saw the who thing, and it was literally two seconds of time that she was under the water. Both her and I were shaken up by the whole thing. I couldn't believe that happened to me. How could it. I thought over the situation, and realized that Clara was being the sweet and active girl that she is. She was so excited about swim lessons that she was hoping on the stair and must have lost her footing, even on her "Safety Stair." She now knows that she is not allowed to jump or hop on the stairs in the pool. In fact for now, it's bum on the stair for her. But this situation really shook me up!

I truly HATE having my son being one of the statistics of child loss due to a drowning accident. I HATE telling people how he passed away, and don't like to go into detail with many people. I feel so instantly judged as a parent, as inattentive parent even. Sadly I'm in a bigger group of parents than I would prefer to be who are haunted by the "how did this happen" scenario. But I'm here to tell you that most of the parents in this terrible group are some of the most attentive parents I know. So as you are out cooling off this summer I beg you to exercise extreme caution and communication with your children and those you are with! We are all in this together and I hate hearing of more parents joining this hard and awful club of child loss!!!

Here's a printable with some really great and life saving tips on water safety. Please feel free to print it and share it! (click here for the .pdf version of the printable)